The idea for this story came during a conversation with Bronson Arroyo, the colorful former pitcher and guitar man. Arroyo spent 16 seasons in the big leagues, meeting a long list of characters and legends, but he never experienced a clubhouse more ridiculous, different and fun than the ones in Boston.
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Twenty years ago this spring, Arroyo, Kevin Millar and David Ortiz arrived in Boston, joining a team with Pedro Martinez, Manny Ramirez, Johnny Damon and a crew of wild personalities that captured the sport’s imagination.
Everyone knows what happened to the Red Sox on the field in the memorable 2003 and 2004 postseasons. But somehow the off-field tales about the group known as “The Idiots” are even better. This is what happens when you call up those Red Sox and ask for their best clubhouse stories.
Bronson Arroyo, pitcher: Dude, if you came into that clubhouse…
Bill Mueller, infielder: Just crazy stuff.
Arroyo: If it was a 7 o’clock game, I’d take a nap from about 5 to 5:40. I woke up two times and Manny Ramirez was spooning me.
Johnny Damon, center field: Yeah, that was something that Manny liked to do.
Arroyo: It was almost like a “Saturday Night Live” skit in the locker room every day.
Curtis Leskanic, pitcher: I’d go in the hot tub about 6:20 for a 7 o’clock game. We were playing in Baltimore. David Ortiz put a big thing of blue Powerade mix in it. I couldn’t get that s— off me for two days, man. I was walking around like a freaking smurf.
Arroyo: Billie Joe (Armstrong) from Green Day is walking in the locker room and Kevin Millar is playing dumb and saying: “Hey, bro! Love the new record!” and starts singing “Wonderwall.”
Kevin Millar, first base/outfield: No, that was Staind. Mike (Mushok), the lead guitar player, I went up to him and started singing: “With aaaarms wiiiide open, uuuuuuunnnder the suuuun.” I was like, “Bro, I love your music!” He looks at me and was like: “No, dude, that’s Creed.”
Arroyo: I mean, I would go to the park early just to watch the shenanigans.
Mike Timlin, pitcher: Those were some of the best teams, and I mean teams. It’s hard to describe. We formed a team. From 2003 on, we found a formula to be able to get past a lot of egotistical and self-centeredness.
Nomar Garciaparra, shortstop: There was a lot of nudity.
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Damon: We cared about each other. We loved each other. We’d have lunch with each other. We’d buy motorcycles together.
Leskanic: There was a time to joke. Well, the time to joke was pretty much every time and all the time.
Mueller: In that clubhouse you could let loose, be a kid again and enjoy this game. Then you could flip the switch and kick ass.
Dave McCarty, first base/outfield: The best group of guys I ever played with.
Millar: One of the greatest group of dudes.
Arroyo: Those were fun, fun teams to be around, man.
Kevin Millar and Manny Ramírez hammed it up for the fans before a 2004 ALDS game against the Angels. (Jim Davis/The Boston Globe via Getty Images)Damon: Millar brought a whole new dimension to the team.
Arroyo: Millar would chirp at Theo Epstein and Terry Francona. Just screaming at them about taking a greenie: “Don’t let the other manager out-milligram you! Get your beans in!”
Terry “Tito” Francona, manager: There were days he’d say things and I wouldn’t want to laugh because I was in a bad mood and I’d just start laughing.
Millar: We always had an ongoing joke with Tito. He was so awesome at keeping everybody loose. Part of that was to mess with him back. There were times he would fire his tobacco and gum and everything in my helmet. I’m in the hole waiting to hit, and I put on my helmet and get on deck and there’s chew and spit and gum in my helmet. He’s like: “All right, good luck.”
Leskanic: Everyone looked up to Millar.
Ron Jackson, hitting coach: He wasn’t the best ballplayer, but he was the leader.
Millar: My thing was, back then, Tom Brady was 200 yards passing, not a great fantasy football quarterback, but he just won football games. (The media) was asking me a question about myself as a player, and I started saying, “Well, I’m not that good of a player, but there are other things you can bring to a club. Like Tom Brady and the intangibles he brings to a football team.” Well, the next day I walk into the clubhouse, no bulls—, I don’t have a thing in my locker but Tom Brady’s game uniform. Theo and Terry sent the clubhouse guys to go to Foxborough, which is about 40 minutes from Fenway, to go get his uniform and put it in my locker. We were playing the Rangers that night so I went out and wore the full uni for batting practice. And they’re tight. They’re tight everywhere.
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Leskanic: When you came into that clubhouse, you had to hang your ego up. It didn’t matter if you were a Hall of Famer or the 25th player: You were going to get made fun of.
McCarty: Nobody would let you get too down on yourself or be too serious.
Arroyo: When Curt Schilling came to the club, he was doing that thing where you don’t talk to him the day he pitched. By the end of the first month, he was playing cards with guys the day he pitched because the locker room was just too wacky.
Leskanic: That guy could hit another gear like no one I’ve ever seen. He would turn from a great major-league pitcher to an All-Star pitcher to a Hall of Famer, all in the same inning.
Arroyo: The one time that was absolutely jaw dropping. We’re in Seattle. Schilling is notoriously disheveled. He stays up really late playing video games, comes to the park and looks like he hasn’t slept for the night. His locker was a little bit of a mess. He dropped his pants and his boxers on the floor right in front of his locker.
Millar: He had these long john underwear.
McCarty: I want to say they were some kind of Spongebob boxers.
Millar: I was like: ‘Oh my god, are you s—ting me right now? I was like: “We need a hazmat suit.”
Damon: That was absolutely disgusting.
Arroyo: Before you know it, Millar comes out in a full hazmat suit. One of those clear face shields, he’s got scrubs on from top to bottom, a pair of tongs and a red hazard bucket that you only put used needles in. He grabs the boxers, pulls them out of his jeans, starts stuffing them in the bucket and starts screaming.
Mueller: Millar called a team meeting to talk about it.
Keith Foulke, pitcher: He’s just hollering: “Can you believe this is a world champion, World Series MVP?”
Arroyo: It was the one time in my life that I saw Curt Schilling completely speechless… You just had to ride the wave and sometimes you were the butt of the joke.
Arroyo: Millar unleashed the ability to do or say anything inside the locker room. That brought Manny Ramírez out. Manny being Manny.
Damon: There are so many Manny stories.
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Jason Varitek, catcher: Manny would sneak up behind somebody and next thing you know he’s spraying them with cologne.
Arroyo: Before games, guys would be stretching at their locker or taping up their wrists, and he would come up, pull out his cologne and, boom, one spray on the neck.
Millar: He had 400 bottles of cologne.
Arroyo: He would do it on the plane, too. He’d go right down the aisle and he’d come up from behind everybody and spray 15 guys.
Leskanic: Manny was funny in his own little way.
Arroyo: Millar had all these quick little sayings he’d say in the dugout. We were playing the Orioles and they were just making a bunch of errors. It looked like “The Bad News Bears” out there. Bill Mueller hit the ball and there was another error. Millar said something like: “Look at this! They’ve got the Dancing Bear and the poodle with extra long ears!” He was referring to a circus. But anything he would say, if it got a laugh, Manny would repeat it. For the next two years, every time Bill Mueller would get a hit, you’d hear Manny go…
Millar: “Papi, Papi, the poodle with the long ears and the dancing bear!”
Arroyo: He thought Millar was talking about Bill Mueller.
Timlin: Every time (Manny) would walk by, he would say: “Billy, you’re the dancing bear.” And Bill would laugh and smile and Manny would walk off and he’d go: “I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about.”
Millar: (Julian Tavarez and Manny) had this drink. It was like whiskey and it was this Latin cocktail they’d shake up in this old bottle, like a big old Perrier bottle. They put all this stuff in it: a shot of whiskey, honey, lemon. Well, Manny had the idea of throwing in Viagara pills and didn’t tell anybody. We were all taking shots of this stuff and it was like: “Let’s go play!”
Arroyo: Manny loved a laugh.
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Leskanic: You know how they have the Silver Slugger award? I told him that this year they were going to give out a Silver Glove award. So we all spray-painted his glove silver and hung it in his locker. He said: “Lesky, I told you I was going to win the Silver Glove award!”
McCarty: For all the s— he took about his defense, he really worked at it.
Garciaparra: Manny put in the work.
Leskanic: We would go out and have some drinks together. All his drinks had Red Bull. I’d say: “Manny, every time I see you, you’ve got a Red Bull in your hand. Why do you drink so much Red Bull?” And he would say in his dreams he could take longer batting practice because of the energy.
Millar: Only Manny.
Arroyo: Manny was so cheap, when we would check out of a hotel, all his incidentals he would freaking send to Edgar Rentería’s bill every time. You’d see Edgar arguing with the hotel manager that he didn’t have all this food.
Leskanic: That’s true! Terry Adams was checking out, and I was right behind him. Terry was like: “I didn’t get four massages. I wasn’t even here for four days, how the hell would I get four massages?” Manny put it on his bill!
Foulke: Manny would do the same thing to Julian (Tavarez). Julian knew him really well. He’d go into his wallet and get money out.
Leskanic: Schilling made these “why not us” T-shirts. Manny took them all, put them all in his locker, 25 shirts, and he wore a different one home every night.
Arroyo: Manny would open up his man purse and he’d have $10,000 in there.
Leskanic: I just loved the guy.
Pedro Martínez pitching in 2004; when he wasn’t on the field, he was rarely fully clothed. (Jim Davis / The Boston Globe via Getty Images)Leskanic: Pedro liked to have fun.
Millar: The coolest superstar you’ll ever be around.
Dave Wallace, pitching coach: Standing in the middle of the clubhouse, stark naked, waving, running around, keeping guys loose.
Arroyo: Yeah, there were days he would like to run around naked.
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Garciaparra: One day (in 2002) everyone had to come in. The owners were saying, “We want to introduce you to your new manager.” We’re all sitting there in the clubhouse at spring training. It’s packed. In comes Grady Little and the place erupted in cheers. Pedro dropped his towel and cheered naked.
Timlin: You looked at it like: If he can do that, I can do that. I can let my fun side come out in this world.
Foulke: I don’t know who was naked more, him or Johnny Damon, doing his pull-ups.
Millar: Naked pull-ups.
Damon: OK, well, that started in 2002. The training room was very small. There was one tub in there, that was our weight room, and there were two tables that were very tight. So I’d jump in the tub and get out to wait to get on the training table. I just shook down and started lifting, and I figured that would be a great way for me to get on the training table quicker because I figured a lot of guys didn’t want to see my greatest ass in the league.
McCarty: I had a cyst on my wrist and they had to drain it. It was going to put me on the shelf for a couple days so they DL’d me. I’m talking s— to Schilling and (Doug) Mirabelli’s there. I’m like: “I wish they’d give me that Wally costume” — the mascot’s name was Wally. I was like: “Give me that Wally costume and I’ll put that thing on.” Schilling’s like: “Bulls—.” So he calls them up and gets the mascot down there. I put it on and go out in between innings, during a game, and dance around. I go up to the umpires and am like: “Hey, it’s McCarty. How are you doing?”
Arroyo: Sometimes I’d get a call from Kevin Millar at 2 o’clock in the morning: “Come down, we need the guitar.”
Millar: He was the best bonfire guitar player in history because he could play anything from Toby Keith to Alice in Chains.
Leskanic: Bronson would sing on the rooftops every night somewhere different. I’d text him and ask him where he was, and he’d say he was on a rooftop singing.
Arroyo: It would be on a rooftop of somebody’s place that we’d met after walking home from Daisy Buchanan’s.
Millar: There were many nights where you’re hitting in your underwear at 2 in the morning with Varitek and (Mark) Bellhorn and Bronson playing the guitar. That was part of Sox Nation.
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Damon: Kevin Millar was chatting with a bunch of us one day and goes: “Guys, we’re a bunch of idiots.”
Millar: Our go-to song was “Lose Yourself.” After every win, you’d have this son of a bitch (Ortiz) in the clubhouse, in his sliding pants, which were underwear, and a cutoff shirt and he’d be standing on top of his chair with his arms up as we walked in and gave high fives. You looked forward to that moment.
McCarty: It was probably the one time in my career where you didn’t have guys worried about their own stats.
Millar: We had a unique cast of characters because we really all loved each other.
Timlin: Every family has craziness in it, and we had uncles that had fun.
Leskanic: You couldn’t put a bunch of guys together more perfect than that group.
Arroyo: It was just a ball, man.
(Top image: John Bradford / The Athletic; Photos: Don Smith / Getty Images; Ezra Shaw / Getty Images)
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